tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237461979064740222023-07-02T16:47:49.505-07:00The Visual AxisFree and accepted new york city masonic lodge got me disability 10001 money they guide me this apart of little nemo on hbo gb I spend all my money thinking they're gonna replenish but they dont wild dada 9 husband Christmas daddy babies with me James hughes made me a show sadie saxton with me talks to babies this the school of visual arts church of silver tiles [West park church] montreal canada runs little nemo on hbo. We always win Williamsburg,brooklyn i never thought the word focus was real forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-22924918851014464642008-09-08T01:56:00.000-07:002008-09-08T02:07:23.999-07:00finaleIt's the final episode of The Visual Axis. You can catch the 4 tape movie companion from here. <br />4 Tapes and the producers appear. Harvey Weinstein and whoever else.<br />This has been the largest show and greatest scientific expirment on the human mind ever made. <br />I have been a test subject, a genius and a spiritual guru within the course of a year. <br />My thesis year led me to the development of my dream of keeping Williamsburg as an arts district. <br />Including which is my dream of a club. <br /><br />I have no idea how this will turn out. I'm dcently disturbed and concerned. I'm told at any point if I act as though I'm not on a T.V. show it's all over I'm cracked into and the walls come tumbling down around me and I go crazy and end up forever in the looney bin @ woodhull hospital. If I succeed, then I get the club. One of 2 possibilities in reality. <br />It's really freaky, right now it's hard to write and they're already fucking beating the shit out of my psyche. <br />My day is going to be weird, strange, painful, embaressing, enlightening and when everything succeeds in art star style it's going to come together as one finale leading to the ultimate freedom/the ultimate dream/the celebration of N.Y.C.'s love for their little Jesus Christ Art Star. <br />Supersonic waves and barely sane it's the last time I'll say adios.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com205tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-57572315725682754032008-09-07T08:50:00.001-07:002008-09-07T08:51:52.271-07:00elimination roundWhat the fuck, there's machines around me that see my aura and belief in my ability and those of the indigos? That they're waiting for me to stall and give up on this show or something, this fell thing, and then go after me? Working on the 4 tapes. <br />I'm told then it will end. I have belief in good Harvey Weinstein. This shit is hard. Check the movie.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-20266306384199739982008-09-06T19:40:00.000-07:002008-09-06T19:43:20.576-07:00oddity commentaryIt's a strange world to live in. Literally, this shits essentially jumping back and forth, like when I "time travel" it's really like that. <br />I imagine it's Rosicrucians behind this, the people who run this show know their shit. <br />The key to finishing this is being out on the streets of N.Y.C. 4 tapes, consumed mostly with Williamsburg. <br />So I'm going to do that and wrap up the series. The Visual Axis movie.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-22519630375934020852008-09-06T15:35:00.000-07:002008-09-06T15:38:30.139-07:00TVA: the movieSo essentially, the vlog I'm making right now is becoming the evolved version of this blog. <br />I'm segmenting it into 4 tapes. <br />4 characters or mixtures of character acting elements and stuff like that. <br />You'll get the deal.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-2585944037040576142008-09-06T15:25:00.000-07:002008-09-06T15:35:14.788-07:00Elimination round finaleI have no idea what that means, I'm just throwing shit out there. <br />I'm still kinda dealing with the situation of them being ahead of my thoughts. <br />What the fuck are in the lasers? Subconcious images? Kindly buy me a Teany sandwich when all this is over, despite the fact that I'll/we'll be in the Domino Refinery. I want all of this to look good, so I'm semi thinking about how I'll appear to directly the Dekalb girls and yes always Caitlin, I'm also pondering if hesitating is a good thing. <br />Entering the gallery I realized how insane I have to be to run through this whole thing. <br />It sucks to be trained to appear defeated or do these weird fucking hand gestures. <br />Everytime I see one of those lights flash I'm like shit, I've been dealing with that forever. <br />Damn layer one gets confusing.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-2971915594961661822008-09-06T00:23:00.000-07:002008-09-06T00:27:29.558-07:00a light, a creepy character and semi subliminal maniupulationCapricorn is a color duck now. This is the kind of creepy shit I hear in my head when I close my eyes after being hit with an awkward light in this show. <br /><br />Holy shit. This is the kind of shit they put in my head daily. Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. <br />I need to get the fuck off this T.V. show now. Today. A.S.A.P. Fucking now. <br />I need to create this vlog and get off this show. I realize the affect this must have constantly on me. How many scary things they must say to me daily. Holy shit, I'm disturbed, I'm disgusted, I'm freaked out and I need to get off this show now.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-23827574609890927322008-09-06T00:12:00.000-07:002008-09-06T00:19:35.769-07:00branched words before the psychotics arenaIt's now sept 6th. It's 3:12 A.M. we've reached the point beyond pretend. This shit is starting out like star trek. Let me start over. <br />Fuck man, those lights with the lasers pause my mind to think nothing. Do nothing. Live in a bubble of suck. <br />I miss my own internal monologue and the excitement of everything that used to happen inside my head. <br />I'm in agreement with the producers, the way out is artwork. Just vlog and blog the thing and they're going to let me off this insane show. Pretty obvious it's a show again, like in the beginning I see the lasers and try to dodge them. They really, really fucking hurt. <br />I wonder how this show will work. I wonder how on the outside world this shit is broadcasted 24/7. I live in a dazzle of arrays on attempts to create a bridge back home to Williamsburg. To reality. I want to get my shit done tonight w/indoor matters so I can jump out tomorrow. It's fucking absurd/annoying to deal with the lasers on the inside this apartment. Yesterday when "paul" (cause none of these people are using their real names) came over and bended over with the "katrina" and "miguel" characters it was disturbing pretend Brady Bunch ass fucking adventure theme of the myspace/facebook picture generation. <br />I need to escape. I know when I'm looking directly @ the camera, or the fucking light psycho therapy that it's getting to be an issue. Battery takes an hour to charge. Eat breakfast now.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-28010107103817538942008-09-05T09:22:00.000-07:002008-09-05T09:28:05.890-07:00Will Lou Reed bless me with jack daniels when this show ends?wait, you know on the outside world. <br />But I don't. Am I fucking Little Nemo, like I am 'Little Nemo' turned into a televised 24/7 show? Where they watch me all the time. <br />B/c I was going to make Little Nemo but cool for hipsters in Williamsburg so they made me Little Nemo? <br />For serious, did they? I think they did. <br />Why do I say this shit since you can read my thoughts and see what I'm doing? How weird is this T.V. show when I try and communicate with you. And this reatrded cherub characters talks to me and wants me to be bitter or soft? I have no idea I don't care I fucking want off this show, all I'm starting to do is bitch but perhaps I can do that with an artistic sense of the S.F.W. that creates reality t.v. wealth. <br />I fucking hate having my body contorted in all sorts of ways. <br />I fucking hate having my thoughts read. <br />I fucking hate having people project people into my head. <br />And I want my dreams back, like sleep, like R.E.M. sleep.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-91551394473848587452008-09-05T09:05:00.000-07:002008-09-05T09:09:44.990-07:00ahIn theory my Fairfield series is done. <br />Assuming I'm as famous as they tell me. If not, well then it's not done. <br />This is the most insane thing I've ever heard of. They have a museum for me? I'm the richest kid ever? This show is ending asap? <br />That's amazing. Hell, I've been through the nightmares of forever. <br />Really I've always been poor so the fact that I'll have money is amazing. <br />I'm suddenly inspired to make a velvet underground music video to my insanity. <br />what's fucked is you know more about when this ends than meforecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-85043274337777114722008-09-05T07:54:00.001-07:002008-09-05T07:58:00.634-07:00the finale??So it seems I'm @ a point I've been on before on this show. <br />That I'm @ some sort of portion where everything is where it's been placed, same amount of money same amount of meds same amount of options. But now I'm wondering, are there heros and villians on this show? Is there a path I have to follow to get out. There's levels, but what happens, I just have to make it to each level as I understand. <br />I'm so boggled by this idea of villains in the show, I thought it'd be like Truman Burbank sorta and I find my way out of the show. Everyone points a laser at me and I don't get the whole idea, how do I get out? <br />So you, watching this @ home, be aware I'm still aware you're watching, don't know what channel I'm on but definitely need to find a way out of the show. I'll find out what it looks like on the outside.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-74426033914439332492008-09-05T07:25:00.000-07:002008-09-05T07:29:10.920-07:00uhhhThis shit is so obvious. The lights pointing at me, the flashing of them and that chick upstairs on that bed shooting the laser at me. This shit is still so obvious that it's a t.v. show <br />So I'm going to make my main focus getting off the show. <br />Phermones and light rays. I fucking hate this T.V. show. I need to escape, every 15 minutes it's crap. <br />Then there's a moment of joy. <br />I need to escape from this show and return to the realm Williamsburg. <br />I want the trine, I all three. <br />I am on a T.V. show where people are fucking me. <br />Kindly remember this when I arrive to reality my beloved Urban Outfitter hipster girls. I sound insane right now. And I'm writing in haikuisforecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-34195039320783699352008-09-05T07:21:00.000-07:002008-09-05T07:24:46.844-07:00fuck itI'm stuck on this piece of shit t.v. show until they let me off <br />let me use every moment of this to my advantage <br />my me use it to forward my career <br />let me use it to try and look cute for art school girls <br />let me use it to forward my n.y.c. williamsburg arts district<br />let me take into account that I'm being hit by lasers day and night.<br />You're watching this shit and the whole idea is I don't back down. That there's no logic in backing down anymore, it doesn't make any sense. It feels like the show has gone on for far too long.<br />You're watching this. I'm really at a point of when and where does this end? <br />I want off this t.v. showforecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-74209833278732309122008-09-05T07:08:00.000-07:002008-09-05T07:16:55.836-07:00Fucked upThat shits twisted. As in, yesterday I'm told the show is going to end today I just hand in my gold coast book. <br />Then I assume there's something after that. <br />But I can't assume it's going to end automatically. <br />But what the fuck can I do about it? I really don't wanna be on this show. <br />I'm throwing everything into this. I'm told to publish a book that's "the gold coast" <br />I'm just questioning all of this and all I know is I can't go back to pretending it's the real world. <br />Bitching about it being a show doesn't help but they said I can get out if I just keep going with them. <br />I want out of this fucking thing. I'm tired of hearing stale dialog and being set up by ridiculous simile type shit waiting for me to freak out. When the fuck do I get off this thing?forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-78622220960557683832008-09-05T00:19:00.001-07:002008-09-05T00:49:29.918-07:00Flashforward on the bridgeI'm lessening kernal panics now that we've reached the point of no return. I'll finish my documentation and simply clog from their the oddity of the show unto Mr.Weinstein appears with the exit door to bizarro world nyc (Williamsburg rising) The sequel to Mannahatta. So there's a few things I'll address in this entry quick in blurb: <br />-I'm going to deal with each moment as a TV show. Kinda fun but wanna still persistant (redundently and annoyingly) catch phrase: "but I want the show to end asap" because I don't wanna leave emphasis for continuation. <br />-I want us to have the Williamsburg trine from Silver Tiles. <br />-I want nothing to do with my blood relatives. They disgust me still and had no interest in it from the start. I just never saw the importance in these people, I've never like them and was set to consider them as branches to money in the TV show. For the last year I've had to hear about them day and night, referencing to people I've forgotten and for good reason. I've never been like them and I don't see any reason to associate. I spent years watching my mother get hit by my father, she cried on my bed and essentially stayed with my father to stay in the Roman Catholic church as he emotionally and at times physically abused her. He demanded she didn't read the bible, seemingly used means of control as vengence for a marriage he never wanted as he failed to work as she did two jobs to assure my college future through solidifying my place in Fairfield. His mother (a grandmother I only acknowledge through Raoul Dahl adaptations fulfilling childhood fantasies of killing her) abused my mother daily in drunken blurbs against being a spic. Why did he marry this spic? What the fuck is she here for? I saw a good woman broken by these people, I saw her cater to their needs, I shine a fire of hate on the memory of "craig" pete's mother antagonizing, shitting on my mother, patronizing her drunkenly as my mother catered to this. Oh...okay......you look nice. I saw a good woman broken and heard legends of her spirit from my relatives of her side, before this marriage destroyed anythig left of this spirit that seemed vague. She was afraid, timid, went to church and stood as my guardian. More so I hers from a madman, a bed to cry on. Her marriage photo a strange oddity as I walked upthe stairs, an 8mm colored creation above records that seemed sad, the thing that shouldn't be. They are both the ultimate result of traditionalities failures, her broken soul an his life of flames burning in his own self rage unable to fuckoff his self destrucove racist clan. They diagust me for what they jointly did. She set assure a lifetime of years, 18 exact to protect and allow me to weave myself so I could have the freedom she lost. She gave me the option to stay free from them, to avoid their flu of hate they whiSpered instrange phone tag of gossip caused by the sort of thing I'd pull by telling Grandmother racist I was marrying Matt Bethlehe sister (a black!) just to get he to shit. Just to start the spiting process. I wl always stand for what Carmen did for me, to allow me to raise myslf and speak volumes of the torment she went through that she's too kind to mention on national TVforecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-65422151834491562222008-09-04T12:52:00.000-07:002008-09-04T13:00:16.091-07:00complexitythis shits getting complex. I understand this much: never treat it like the real world always a show. I'm so fucking glad for my Al. Hughes/Weinstein "silver tiles" is so key. I'm a little bit more sane/going to continue searching for exit structure. I feel like I just woke up or something. I wish I had a nielsons rating share/map out. Moreso specific on art school girls. Shit this changes like fucking weather.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-29705515955366600722008-09-04T10:34:00.000-07:002008-09-04T10:38:12.025-07:00jump offI don't trust these fuckers. The spirit is gentle shit. This is all so weird. <br />I can't wait to get off this show: <br />Atleast I'm free from Truman pretend mode.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-16661082046433333792008-09-04T09:21:00.000-07:002008-09-04T09:27:31.018-07:00music + memory + energyIts weird for me to do that energy ring thing in front of people. There's alot of stuff I learned from Universalism, that's one of my favorites. Everything has to do with energy in music, it's scientifically viable I'm really interesting in seeing your end of all this.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-56143220609983681452008-09-03T16:32:00.001-07:002008-09-03T16:39:46.372-07:00another randomconstantly moments withthis dialog so dry and stale implying emotions implications of child and huffs it sighs. What alternative world is this, the lame level of bubble implicative emotions divided by soundwaves to see if you'll feel bad or agree just to agree. What alternative bizarro NYC is the Truman Show?forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-85900743840702340292008-09-03T16:05:00.000-07:002008-09-03T16:12:59.844-07:00we delete five seconds afterwardsThis is one of those awkward moments. <br />Why am I attempting to pretend I'm not in a show, not doing that but learning to play with the situations. Truman NYC with space age technology. It's a situation where I imagine you ponder if I've got it - AMA a system to make by way out (of the show). Yeah and we're quite well in it; I'm going to stop on this blog when they start to fuck me up too much. So, what episode do you want to see next? <br />You likely know before I the plotpoints. <br />My head hurts. I'm still dodging lasers and taking into account my fame in madness.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-79970227010100195962008-09-03T10:48:00.000-07:002008-09-03T11:07:48.227-07:00GahhIt's sort of a questionable thing in this T.V. the difference between the layer 0-1. Which is an interesting thing but I'll think of it as something I'm going to share. Like in the other diary, I said that the sort of gameshow/psychotic urban outfitters T.V. show n.y.c. Truman Show is both layer 1 and layer 0. They're essentially the same but layer 0 has no real bounds, it's sort of me bitching on the reality of the situation. <br />It's more or less, what the fuck makes my penis do this weird ass shit that it does in this T.V. show. <br />It's on the science end, what's up with everything. <br />It's on the reality end, I really hate it when they put things down a level and sort of pretend or push to pretend or set up the daily test to see if I'm going to go backwards and pretend that I'm not on a T.V. show <br />Which I won't, so I acknowledge around the world we're watching this. <br />Okay, I get the deal, you're teaching me the proper method to get off the show, or you want to make sure I don't fuck up. <br />And layer 0-1 are similar because I do believe in much of the spiritual stuff I speak of. But also acknowledge that in this show I don't really know what's going on in the outside world, what machines are guiding exactly what I'm doing but am well aware that I'm hit with all sorts of fucked up lasers. <br />The same girls I want in the T.V. show I want in reality. <br />In real life, I would want to date Caitlin as well. <br />I've more or less come to the conclusion that simply waiting around bitching about the show is useless. <br />The entire city is turned into a playground, a set for me. If I'm not going to use it then I suppose the whole deal is they're going to knock me down a level, or throw out the pretend this shit isn't happening level. <br />Or, it's apart of the whole show. That kinda like Neo in the matrix, the show is much involved in the idea of sorta keeping me on the show until I absolutely understand that I'm on a T.V. show and the only way to deal with it is to NOT pretend I'm in the real world, otherwise what the hells the point. <br />Both in Layer 0 and Layer 1 I'm going to deal with the show in the same way. <br />Layer 0 is more so for me to be like W.T.F. damnit these fucking Adult Swim characters and this T.V. show. <br />It's a bitter layer. It's like Skittles sour, but it's me. And It's me just kinda going fuck. And then taking into consideration I'm representing the godhead city, and saying shit lemme not fuck up. <br />It's more that I KNOW i'm going to get paid, I want to club, lemme try and make the most awesome artwork ever. <br />Horsies? W.T.F. Sometimes it's funnier than others. <br />Wahh wahh, I miss reality but that doesn't open the Jerry O'Connell fucking Sliders portal. Not so much, so rather it's like building my way out through acting. It's also about taking the show and saying at ALL times that I want it to end. <br />I'm not going to sit around and bitch but it's important to share. <br />So for this blog, I'm going to pretty much going to take account the fact of the gameshow, that there's lasers or whatever in my eye in this N.Y.C. Truman Show and that if I found the door back home (yeah Quantum Leap reference) I'd take it. But that isn't happening and obviously is going to happen in the show through the characters. <br />Also, when I get hit with that weird physical thing, it sucks. This is not an easy T.V. show to be on. Venting is essential. <br />Then every so often I remind myself of my celebrity status, which is to an extent more so I represent something really important. And I'm like shit, I shouldn't suck. <br />I'm totally aware it's impossible to really be yourself on this show. Too much tech around you. <br />But atleast I can share with ya'll at home how I'm feeling and doing. <br />So, Silver Tiles is essentially a sci-fi account of what's going on. And taking into account everything that's happening and keeping the show spinning like it was before. <br />This is more so me speaking you to direct. This is more like S.F.W. in a way. <br />Except @ the end I'll be paid. <br /><br />Oh those fucking lights. Dear god, I miss the situation of not making weird faces. <br />I will try to avoid sleep to speed things up. <br />I believe in Harvey Weinstein. <br />What a fucked up show.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-48691653305745818062008-09-01T21:53:00.000-07:002008-09-01T22:19:05.071-07:00What if?What if the world of Silver Tiles is true. What if we are getting the Domino Refinery and Williamsburg is getting arts district status and I'm getting Skittles (out of the old cock pill plant on Flushing). What if the next leap in reality is my fucking tower space in Domino above the sign [a reward for the madness I've ensued, assuring to mention this even when I was too beaten by technology to sound anything but cliche commersh for an ironically pretentious district] <br />What if it was meant to go from 3D to 2D to 1 - Domino. There is a strange similarity in all of this. <br />What if that's the reality? Things are kept well from me, for all I know it could be 2009. I currently think the date is September 2, 2008. The birthday of Tim Willis. -> This is definitely worth mentioning as my like best friend in childhood for a good portion of years until 11th grade when we agreed to go to war (separate class choices). Despite the fact in the show that he became villain of sorts because I chose to go to Williamsburg and he briefly mentioned wishing I'd lived in Fairfield and I bugged because they tweaked my mind so I was little psychologically as well as psychotic @ most of the times. Plus he did speak ill of hipsters who are my people. Thus it happened that way. But he's still my friend in the all in all, I just don't want to live with him again. That was a psychotic time, which you've seen me start to write about. I have to finish the final novel, 'The Gold Coast' as well as 'Dreamy Implosion' but it's too hard to do in this show. The process involves a process of artwork that is developed in method outside the show, therefore it wouldn't be in the consistent manner I wish it to be. In opposition to this, I'd think the best proper bet for this matter is to finish creating art which was methodized within this show, where circumstances are so outside the norm that you inevitably have to improvise. Who would ever expect a mass of technology to fuck w/their sense of sound, sight, taste, smell. Everything including touch, and with my mind out of tact because there's always a voice reading my thoughts. And you have to finish your thesis project in this. And you have to survive it and you have to make it through creating your own personal art and the idea of this being reality T.V. And you have to survive moving to Williamsburg and putting your faith and heart into the idea of creating a Williamsburg Arts District (which you and your friends created -> and you have to keep the secret faith that you're friends ARE in your head because the same technology "James Hughes" used in Masonic monitoring of 2223A1 is now in 725 9th Ave and instead of battling him you become friends and formulate the Sonic and Knuckles Arts District eternal of N.Y.C. alongside your friends which you've named 'Wilkies') <br />Now, I could be crazy, this entire idea could be a form of psychosis just to formulate me as a joke. It could be that because James Hughes always considered me a fucking richie (because I'm in the kid who sees Caddie Shack 2 and wonders why the girl goes back to Jackie Mason. He sucks! His jokes aren't funny and the sweatervest dude from Unsolved Mysteries is much better.) So I was like, the rich kid Rosicrucian and he was like the poor kid Mason. And he made a T.V. show off me and my adventures in the dorms, hitting on girls and writing the beginning portions of my novel 'Fairfield, Connecticut'. <br />Or it could be that he was a promotions officer for S.V.A. and I was highlighted but decided to finish the novel @ my 725 9th ave home. <br />Or it could be that he decided I was some villain and went art school vigilante on me, deciding it was bumblefuck wherever town vs. Fairfield, Connecticut and when I came to school early on thesis year everyone was siding with Farifield the day they all head prep clothing on. <br />I have no idea which is the reality. I'll find out @ the end of the show. <br />It makes more sense that whoever he really is he made a show and sold it/me to Harvey Weinstein. This shits so huge only Weinstein could make/break you like this. Only Weinstein could own my respect through the point of seeing Boondock Saints dock where I refer to fucking up as being 'Boondock Sainte'. <br />I don't know which is the true answer. I'd like to believe that we get the arts district. <br />And we're eternally heroes of Williamsburg. <br />And maybe I even get the girl at the end and Caitlin-esque is a real thing. <br />It's either that or I'm a big fucking joke b/c soundwaves and lights and lasers fucked with me day and night and I went to sleep frequently thinking the goal was to survive it, creating what I could when I could. <br />This has been the scariest shit but I mean it when I say the note to Caitlin has kept me alive and going. <br />I'm going to take my friend in skys advice and get into Jeanette. I don't know what they planned in the Silver Tiles show for Jeanette to be but it ended being a good thing for me. Jeanette was a girl I wished I dated and looking back it would have been for the better. A relationship with Jeanette would have been natural where with Christie it depended on my religion with Tim. Moreso Tim's religion which vicariously introduced me to chaos magick, without which Silver Tiles would not be possible. So yeah I do wish it came out that way. <br />But I'm also happy with the way things are now in the Silver Tiles show where I restored Christie to Crazy Smashing Pumpkins girl so her spirit is like she was with red hair and guitar playing/pixie drawing when I first met her (before Carmen went to jail and we were imprisoned by Pete). Nothing can be happy around that man, he's really an incredibly unhappy man. <br />I really hope in this show that my character is never taken into account as an evil character for the discordia played on him. The character of Kade is neither evil, nor racist, nor even understands what this "chewing" thing is. <br />The fact that the anti character says words like this and "hanky panky" creates great disgust. <br />My God, they just took another flash of my eyeball. How psychotic have I been for the past year? What was the effect on me in Series 0? What was I like when Lorenna knew me freshmen year opposed to Junior year Sarah O'd? Why should I even sleep since they enter my dreams? <br />Am I a hero in Williamsburg? This is all so crazy for me, little by little it's revealed as a show.<br />In the meantime I'm building momentum or trying to for music video creations. For the film. I haven't watched a movie a day. Which is my religion. I don't have a T.V. in this hart st. place and there's something wrong with that. <br />T.V. is the father of my soul, the soul circuitboard of the world. I am very much videodrome without a Debbie Harry. <br />Literally. <br />I want an awesome ass T.V. in my Matthew Lillard S.L.C. punk loft atop the Domino sign. <br />...or if it turns out I'm totally a joke in Williamsburg i'll get a nice ass T.V. wherever I'm supplanted next.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-78243227140563541982008-09-01T21:08:00.000-07:002008-09-01T21:19:17.266-07:00stale dialog psychosisThe day this show ends is the day I'm going to find the greatest glee I've ever felt. It's at it's best now, straight up as a show which straight up wants to stab me in the face. People openly ask me responsive questions to my thoughts making it so obvious that I'm in a show and yet i enter the greatest psychosis for the character of Kade/Skylar in Silver Tiles. <br />So it's funny, because at times I'm like what the fuck, then I enter Silver Tiles and I'm still like 'what the fuck' but I'm producing a show that exists on the mental plane that other people can see that we sometimes call the astral plane for conveyance. <br />It's more or less the lights flashing at me like in the beginning reminds me of Mannahatta and seems as a sign that it'll end soon. <br />I have to remind myself every so often, more than I do especially when I'm tired how famous I am and why. That I'm this incredible work of science/art/spirituality merged in N.Y.C. and it sucks that i suffered so much for it but I'm so fascinating apparently and didn't even know it. That the whole deal is I never know when it ends just that it's happening. <br />The show is great but at an entirely other level. It's opened new doorways of the characters openly fucking with me in my own shared arena (as opposed to home). But I've opened Fairfield and this seems to open a certain pathway for me, in particular it opens a need to psychologically hold some sort of wit, like my souls chewing gum and I'm wearing a shirt more witty and stylish than the one I'm wearing. Like I had the 'In Utero' Nirvana t-shirt that was Josh Lindwalls that I think I ended up with. That's what I should be wearing for a show like this. Dirty ass 'dandy warhols' t-shirt i purchased after the concert wth Allie Chase and jeans that are dirty with pen marks (makes me feel writer. Makes me feel closer to art school pants. Something Loren Collarie would wear) is close enough. I'm name dropping and it's my way of reaching out to humanity, to people I know, to people I'd like to chill with as soon as this is over. I feel like they're going to wrap a blanket around me and take me to a helicopter to the top of Donald Trump's tower or Bloombergs secret chamber and be like... you're so famous and you only sort of know it. Here's the show. <br />Thinking back to how it went on for 2 years, atleast people have an idea of how I really am. <br />Because now, I'm so crazy from this show my psyche is some sort of strange resemblance of what it was, a twisted thing and I miss all the "programs" that are now vintage footage.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-77836531105400608142008-09-01T19:28:00.000-07:002008-09-01T19:33:22.484-07:00SvankmajerI'm admist this episode and really wondering what the hell is being blasted in my eyes. <br />I'm thinking of hipster girls and wondering how this looks on the outside. <br />It's so fucking obvious the dialog is stale and open. <br />Each second is a question of how I'm supposed to reflect on this. I don't know what the hell they've literally been doing to my cock but it doesn't feel good. At all. <br />I'm tired my ass hurts and now more than ever I have to become all together. I need to create. I need to further the Silver Tiles blog. I need to add to my vlog. I need to create for the sake of my art and the sake of my soul. If I don't then essentially I'm dead. Or something of the sorts. I will stop now.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-4830725527762839432008-09-01T12:54:00.000-07:002008-09-01T13:00:31.739-07:00menuAin't I cute. Ain't I cute. repetitive wonder showzen menu waves repeating again and again and again and again. A psychotic sound going on again and again and again. The sound of psychosis returning me to sanity through the show. In 725 9th ave, in 635 bushwick. maybe more in 725. Again and again and again, I've lived every episode of Wonder Showzen in this show. Before Megan suicide hoodie there was the blues clues season. I'm getting there today and it starts to get fun. B/c then I go outside and into the world of the show and it's like my insanity matches the particulars of the shows insanity. you can just let go and become tyler crack. The blues clues guy was all coked up, which is probably the only way you can get through that show and I was doing the same but I was trying to reach out to hipster girls/rich preppie girls outside the world of the show. B/c really, the show as down to stop me from the game so I figured this best. Ugh. Going crazy. Stop now. Learning to be preventative of writing degradation in this blog.forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-623746197906474022.post-41474204070309449602008-09-01T11:55:00.002-07:002008-09-01T12:16:38.311-07:009/1/08 - Wonder ShowzenI watched Wonder Showzen, as in the wordsworth episode and I realize this is actually going on in my mind. <br />That's fucked up, I really wonder what my inner mind looks like. Like there's an inner mind with the creepy Richard guy and you get access to the body? I have no idea exactly how this show works in tech. I go crazy frequently and base the idea of projecting the show's target audience to my friends which is mainly this Williamsburg, Brooklyn crowd. Hipster girls. Hipsters. Nyc. <br />Then it gets a bit more tricky because directly Fairfield, CT. Plus Easton. But Fairfield; like base crowd. This gets tricky cause really art school is my base but then Fairfield is my childhood base but then I get political about this and that really isn't what this log of the Visual Axis is supposed to be. It's more so supposed to be my log on being in the show, using characters out of the energy of what I get in result of the show (the crazy shit that makes me the way I am turned into characters). It's an insane acting experience and I use my experience in Arcade Fire 'no cars go' video for this. I don't know how this ends but I do want the trine and everything from Silver Tiles to be real. To get all of it. Especially the club. If not I'd be happy with an apartment like I had before (in Hells Kitchen) and I say that because I wonder on the outside am I a hero, am I Kurt Cobain or am I a fucking joke. The only that that'd make me Kurt Cobain is my honesty. Painfully honest literature/blog entries. Like the time I said even the kids I hated in art school where the same as me. And I don't want to stall on this but I do feel like I had to say something about these being my people directly. And that's weird, b/c why should I have to say that? Isn't it automatically assumed? Can't I put it better. But that's an effect of all of this. It's not because I'm up for three days or whatever or even on meds. It's just an effect of everything on the show. It's fucking weird/disturbing/freaky/it's fucking outside the realm of modern existence to have people speaking inside your head and through your body. It's a world outside the world. It's easier to deal with when my friends are in my head, the characterization/t.v. show gets harder/psycho nose bleed at times. Lights flashed at you and everything like that. I think of a direct group of friends and a girl I wanted to reach out to on this. And I pause because I'm trying to think of this like longterm career advice like David Bowie gave Arcade Fire. But you're watching this 24/7 so it's kinda hard to do that. It's Caitlin, b/c I meant everything I tried to express to Caitlin. If it turned out to be a joke well fuck I tried with my heart. <br />There's other girls, this whole idea with keys and all this. At times it's an inhumane situation, I never could have expected THIS would be my fame. So you know how my mind works in all conditions and I'm the awesome thing on Earth or not so much. <br />Or, I'm being hypnotized again. I'm going to stop now because I want this to be in segments. I want this to be as close to reality or myself as it can be. Because I don't believe it's possible to be me on this show until it's over b/c of only child time and shit but this is my closest attempt. I'm going to stop now before I get on an incoherent rant. <br /><br />fuck. don't have a sign off for this. <br />What, do you want a cookie?forecastmazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11654723544749108898noreply@blogger.com0