Adventures in I heart I (or 'Love myself better than you')
I'm generally inspired by T.V.
I'm fairly into 'Californication' because I like the idea of getting laid as a writer.
I've learned this summer that my mind is only working correctly when it's constantly running and constantly writing a new novel.
I think my medication has been partially placebo the entire summer and that I can figure this out by chewing the medication and tasting how much medication is actually in there. Since there's very little of the medication of 'Adderall XR' within there, I think I've been apart of some bullshit ploy for my entire summer.
The important part of being a writer is having a voice of truth.
People will tell you to chill out or the represent a party or something which I have no interest in at this point.
The truth is, I'd rather be a writer and continue my half-assed lifestyle of living off student loans and attempting to up and up my position in life through film so I can live in Manhattan than sit here and hide, kiss ass to the politican spectrum either kiss ass to Guliani or Bloomberg hoping I'll move up in life or kiss ass to Clinton and Obamma hoping to move up in life.
Or I could always kiss ass to the Rhodes family who own my school and hope to move up in life.
Either way, the very point in case is a writer shouldn't hide the fact that they write.
Somebody might hate you and might pop up to go after you showing up with some crazy ass glock or fucking choking machine but whatever. It's better to speak freely than to sit around and hide in fear of pissing up the wrong person and going ass-backwards in your life to Connecticut. Nobody can force you to move backwards in your life at this age. It's the way it simply is.
Besides, it's an unrealistic fear I've lived with for a period of time.
I've lived with some fear that I'd end up living in my father's house, which was a fear I lived with since I was a small child and ended up rehashing when I was forced to live with my father at the age of 9th grade.
He'll read this and that's great, because it's better I have an openly shared life of truth inside myself than I fucking live in fear of whatever the fuck. You know, it's better to die than give fear control.
Anyhow, so I fucking lived in this fear because ultimately since I was a child the only thing I wanted to do was move out from my family and go out on my own. I never wanted to be Italian and never really got the thing.
The Sopranos are over and as far as I'm concerned that's the end of the heritage game. I have no interest in being
"Italian" for the sake of it. It's great though, it buys me doors to open and everybody wants to hug you when your last name is Mastronardi even though I'm clearly half Puerto-Rican which I don't relate to in the least bit.
I'd rather learn Italian (and only because of Fellini movies that exist as the reality of Italy in my head) than ever learn Spanish. The hood is the least inspiring place I've ever seen and I'd much rather move to Brooklyn and join my peers than ever return to Bridgeport, Connecticut. God bless em' for trying but I'm not ready to jump into the nowhere of nowhere out of loyalty to nothing. There's a reason I have a New York City licenses and traded in my CT phone number.
This is all just ranting with no goal.
After watching this telly show for a bit I've sort of realized there's no point anymore to really writing a journal (which I've called a diary because it's personal for so long but uhh...well yeah).
Anyhow, people find out everything anyways.
People love to read my shit. I used to live in a dorm. People would read my diary when I took a shower. So I'd go back and forth writing things to piss them off, and it only caused trouble in the end but I thought if I sounded crazy, pathetic and cute people would go away. Like that sort of thing would bore them.
In the end I sortof learned the crazy-portion of diaries and items ends up being the interesting item.
People look for things to fear into you in order to stop you from speaking your voice.
I suppose a writer to hate is a writer to, uhh, well that rhyme really wasn't going to work out.
It's the confidence in you though that they want to take away.
Let me share with you another item I'm fairly sure has gone on involving my facebook.com account.
It would seem that I've been broadcasted for a period of time to everyone.
And at first I pretended it wasn't happening.
Then I shared it in a game in a diary that turned into a book I'd one day type the fuck up.
Then I played spiritualist which was half-true and half-for image in my art school ways. I always liked crystals but at the same time how awesome is a crystal in a prop inside my thesis film, 'Little Nemo', which I should be re-drafting but haven't at all.
People love to make an asshole out of you.
And trust me, I've been made enough of an ass for 18 summers to come.
Summer has always been the period I hated the fucking most out of the 4 seasons so why shouldn't it be the worst period of my summer? The truth is, it really is the worst period of my fucking summer.
Anyhow, I've gone through this summer playing this game while being watched I allowed my body to fall to shit, didn't get a haircut and likely look incredibly unattractive to every crowd possible.
I look retarded.
In more than figurative sense at times.
And at times I probably even look like a fag. Who gives a shit though, right? If I was I'd make so much money off that shit. Listen, gay kids, hey to each your own, but make some money off it! Especially if you're in art school. Write that shit into lulu.com and say you were oppressed and cry! Make a million dollars! Seriously. That's the way I'd run with it if I was gay. Either way, money, money, money, money.
But that's not a good thing to say at my school, especially if you ever want to work for the school because everyone in the human resources department is gay. So you won't get hired. Especially in security. There was a security officer named Garcia and they fired him for making comments on the gays.
Garcia was sometimes nice. But he was also kinda 2-faced. But so am I. So I can understand that.
Anyhow, there's no point to this rant other than the fact that I'm really enjoying feeling free on my writing and that I personally am well aware that I'm being watched by others.
I would just like to say hello to everyone at my school.
That there's no reason for you to hide or lie.
Don't feel compelled to leave the dorms at Christmas and Thanksgiving time because you're allowed to stay. I was always incredibly happy to stay during these times.
I don't really see the point in being forced to leave like they supposedly did in Hartford.
When you really think about it, it was incredibly nice to be free and alone during those times.
Looking back, at my time at the University of Hartford, I wasn't really that person but would likely have fun going back now as a New Yorker.
Never be afraid to speak your voice by the way.
I am an Aries and it's in my nature to be a little fuck.
Make no mistake, I think I'm greater than I am, I like myself a little bit too much at times and am driven to push myself from the little shit that I am to the very top. There's alot of people who would wish to push my words down, but, as a writer; you're dead inside when you stop talking for the sake of others. That's when you allow their bullshit and inability for creating better art to get the best of you.
Not to say I'm at all the best artist at my school, but I definitely have one of the hugest egos. Which is typical of director film kids, I'm one of the many with a big head too big for his own good.
I'm just a big enough asshole to speak it out without the fear of whoever it is who might read my blog in the Hell's Kitchen apartment below me.
Thank you very much for your time. Welcome to my blog.
Writing a 'journal', a 'diary', or whatever the fuck really seems pointless at this time.
People love to hear what I have to say since I'm such a fuck. And I love it. so welcome.
I have a sweatervest. It has an 'A' on it.
The 'A' is for ASSHOLE.
+)
I'm fairly into 'Californication' because I like the idea of getting laid as a writer.
I've learned this summer that my mind is only working correctly when it's constantly running and constantly writing a new novel.
I think my medication has been partially placebo the entire summer and that I can figure this out by chewing the medication and tasting how much medication is actually in there. Since there's very little of the medication of 'Adderall XR' within there, I think I've been apart of some bullshit ploy for my entire summer.
The important part of being a writer is having a voice of truth.
People will tell you to chill out or the represent a party or something which I have no interest in at this point.
The truth is, I'd rather be a writer and continue my half-assed lifestyle of living off student loans and attempting to up and up my position in life through film so I can live in Manhattan than sit here and hide, kiss ass to the politican spectrum either kiss ass to Guliani or Bloomberg hoping I'll move up in life or kiss ass to Clinton and Obamma hoping to move up in life.
Or I could always kiss ass to the Rhodes family who own my school and hope to move up in life.
Either way, the very point in case is a writer shouldn't hide the fact that they write.
Somebody might hate you and might pop up to go after you showing up with some crazy ass glock or fucking choking machine but whatever. It's better to speak freely than to sit around and hide in fear of pissing up the wrong person and going ass-backwards in your life to Connecticut. Nobody can force you to move backwards in your life at this age. It's the way it simply is.
Besides, it's an unrealistic fear I've lived with for a period of time.
I've lived with some fear that I'd end up living in my father's house, which was a fear I lived with since I was a small child and ended up rehashing when I was forced to live with my father at the age of 9th grade.
He'll read this and that's great, because it's better I have an openly shared life of truth inside myself than I fucking live in fear of whatever the fuck. You know, it's better to die than give fear control.
Anyhow, so I fucking lived in this fear because ultimately since I was a child the only thing I wanted to do was move out from my family and go out on my own. I never wanted to be Italian and never really got the thing.
The Sopranos are over and as far as I'm concerned that's the end of the heritage game. I have no interest in being
"Italian" for the sake of it. It's great though, it buys me doors to open and everybody wants to hug you when your last name is Mastronardi even though I'm clearly half Puerto-Rican which I don't relate to in the least bit.
I'd rather learn Italian (and only because of Fellini movies that exist as the reality of Italy in my head) than ever learn Spanish. The hood is the least inspiring place I've ever seen and I'd much rather move to Brooklyn and join my peers than ever return to Bridgeport, Connecticut. God bless em' for trying but I'm not ready to jump into the nowhere of nowhere out of loyalty to nothing. There's a reason I have a New York City licenses and traded in my CT phone number.
This is all just ranting with no goal.
After watching this telly show for a bit I've sort of realized there's no point anymore to really writing a journal (which I've called a diary because it's personal for so long but uhh...well yeah).
Anyhow, people find out everything anyways.
People love to read my shit. I used to live in a dorm. People would read my diary when I took a shower. So I'd go back and forth writing things to piss them off, and it only caused trouble in the end but I thought if I sounded crazy, pathetic and cute people would go away. Like that sort of thing would bore them.
In the end I sortof learned the crazy-portion of diaries and items ends up being the interesting item.
People look for things to fear into you in order to stop you from speaking your voice.
I suppose a writer to hate is a writer to, uhh, well that rhyme really wasn't going to work out.
It's the confidence in you though that they want to take away.
Let me share with you another item I'm fairly sure has gone on involving my facebook.com account.
It would seem that I've been broadcasted for a period of time to everyone.
And at first I pretended it wasn't happening.
Then I shared it in a game in a diary that turned into a book I'd one day type the fuck up.
Then I played spiritualist which was half-true and half-for image in my art school ways. I always liked crystals but at the same time how awesome is a crystal in a prop inside my thesis film, 'Little Nemo', which I should be re-drafting but haven't at all.
People love to make an asshole out of you.
And trust me, I've been made enough of an ass for 18 summers to come.
Summer has always been the period I hated the fucking most out of the 4 seasons so why shouldn't it be the worst period of my summer? The truth is, it really is the worst period of my fucking summer.
Anyhow, I've gone through this summer playing this game while being watched I allowed my body to fall to shit, didn't get a haircut and likely look incredibly unattractive to every crowd possible.
I look retarded.
In more than figurative sense at times.
And at times I probably even look like a fag. Who gives a shit though, right? If I was I'd make so much money off that shit. Listen, gay kids, hey to each your own, but make some money off it! Especially if you're in art school. Write that shit into lulu.com and say you were oppressed and cry! Make a million dollars! Seriously. That's the way I'd run with it if I was gay. Either way, money, money, money, money.
But that's not a good thing to say at my school, especially if you ever want to work for the school because everyone in the human resources department is gay. So you won't get hired. Especially in security. There was a security officer named Garcia and they fired him for making comments on the gays.
Garcia was sometimes nice. But he was also kinda 2-faced. But so am I. So I can understand that.
Anyhow, there's no point to this rant other than the fact that I'm really enjoying feeling free on my writing and that I personally am well aware that I'm being watched by others.
I would just like to say hello to everyone at my school.
That there's no reason for you to hide or lie.
Don't feel compelled to leave the dorms at Christmas and Thanksgiving time because you're allowed to stay. I was always incredibly happy to stay during these times.
I don't really see the point in being forced to leave like they supposedly did in Hartford.
When you really think about it, it was incredibly nice to be free and alone during those times.
Looking back, at my time at the University of Hartford, I wasn't really that person but would likely have fun going back now as a New Yorker.
Never be afraid to speak your voice by the way.
I am an Aries and it's in my nature to be a little fuck.
Make no mistake, I think I'm greater than I am, I like myself a little bit too much at times and am driven to push myself from the little shit that I am to the very top. There's alot of people who would wish to push my words down, but, as a writer; you're dead inside when you stop talking for the sake of others. That's when you allow their bullshit and inability for creating better art to get the best of you.
Not to say I'm at all the best artist at my school, but I definitely have one of the hugest egos. Which is typical of director film kids, I'm one of the many with a big head too big for his own good.
I'm just a big enough asshole to speak it out without the fear of whoever it is who might read my blog in the Hell's Kitchen apartment below me.
Thank you very much for your time. Welcome to my blog.
Writing a 'journal', a 'diary', or whatever the fuck really seems pointless at this time.
People love to hear what I have to say since I'm such a fuck. And I love it. so welcome.
I have a sweatervest. It has an 'A' on it.
The 'A' is for ASSHOLE.
+)
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