Universalism

I feel like commenting on this. Because this is something I did for a while. Everyone has their own thing but in the end I've ended up with a buncha crystals I'm going to use as rocks or props in films. The pet rock was popular, the pet crystal is a much larger fucking investment which others have made money off of.

Since I was in about 8th grade or maybe before, I did shit like "spells" basically for girls or money. Did it work? Probably not. Did I think it worked once or twice? Sure. More when I was younger the once or twice it worked. Only once. I was like, 14 or 13. It was probably more-so that I looked crazy and said that I was "satanic" that year. The girl who ended up dating me said this turned her on. This kinda set me up for the later phase in my life of spirituality.

Over-heated in a room I should have spent the money in the summer buying another air-conditioner on, I woke up from a trippy dream with the rusting old cross I was wearing that was giving me a fucking rash that freaked my girlfriend out suddenly laying beside me off of my body. It was probably tossing and turning in a small bed. I took it as a sign and went on a binge of spiritual items to run through the whole spectrum of ways in the new-age land you can, basically, get girls and money.
I ran through about every religion you can think of, Jesus to old hebrew magick to every fucking possible way, wiccan, hindu, anything. Basically it came down to the same thing everytime. Money, girls and creativity for art. Really for films. And the truth of the matter is if I focused the same amount of time on my filmwork instead of on the magick creative bullshit spells and get laid quick spells I would have made money, gotten laid and definitely have made the films I had the ideas to but spent too much time either meditating or meditating stoned listening to The Arcade Fire. Which when I was stoned I thought had a magick process I could see through the I-Tunes visualizer. This sounds like something you would say stoned. Doesn't it?

No. In truth, the whole entire thing lost me money more than anyhting, alot of fucking money.
But, I figured there had to be something to it. My friends became interested in it, and one day when I played a message on this stuff and somebody outside the door said "holy shit" and started monitoring my spiritual shit from then, I figured I was onto something. I ordered posters and shit and people became interested, it was alot of attention. So, I figured I was onto something! Yeah! No. Just looking crazy. Really, really motherfucking crazy.
But the more other people became interested the more I became interested and it became a vicious cycle that I was pretty much beat at from the start. More than likely, they assumed that I was something more serious than I was or somebody from a social class I am unfortunately not.

Magick never got me a single girl other than interest in crystals being interest in crystals. Or appearing "mysterious" being something to run with. A magick spell never brought anyone around. And honestly, I doubt there's a ghost in my old dorm that the ghost busters were going to get. I thought that onetime and it was before I was perscribed to my actual medication and was on ritalin. Which makes me feel like, "sadish" and the kind of thing that would seem "emo" even though I don't believe in that word.

Not to say that anyone who believes in the crystals and the spirits isn't totally onto something. God bless you if you're into it and I'll absolutely give you an awesome deal on rocks and shit like that which at this point is sitting in a plastic bag that says 'have a nice day' or 'I heart N.Y.'
One or the other.

I should have been making artwork about the city I love.
I should have finished the Fairfield shit a long time ago. And if I didn't sit there and do magick land I would have done it quicker.
The truth is, I needed pot to finish what I was writing. Pot can be very helpful for writing and my medication of Adderall is very helpful for this as well.
But the pot is real helpful for the whole thing.
That story about drugs helping art? Pot being especially considered "a drug" but drugs in general (bc why is shit still illegal in the U.S. oh... making other people money! Fuck. I'm not a lawyer, a judge or a lobbyist. Fuck) well that old story is true.
Look at Kurt Cobain's work.
Look @ Phish.
Look at every band and artist. If you're telling me straight edge art has ever impressed me beyond the hardcore movement you're sad, because the hardcore movement doesn't really impress me in that manner. I mean, ok it's your deal but putting an X on your body to prove that your body is pure seems like another contradiction in a world full of them.

Honestly, the woman at the shop told me 'I always buy whatever my eyes are attracted to no matter how much the cost is. Because the universe will give it back to me'.
And not to insult a lady who gave sage-like advice in a Kill Bill way but, uhh, I'm sorry but the universe didn't actually give it back. I more like paid it forward in student loans I could have been using for more film equipment and making better movies.
This is a mistake I fortunately learned ahead of time. Or atleast now instead of like years down the road.
Because although I'd love to believe that it's the magick that brings me the ideas it's more likely the substance within me, caffeine or whatever it will be that day. That's reality dude. Or as far as I see it.

When I was little I'd wish for it to snow on days in February when it was probably going to snow and not check the weather report and it'd snow and school would be canceled. I'd call it magick! But it was fucking New England weather in Fairfield, Connecticut.

So, a lesson to my apparent readers whoever you are.
Do this new-age shit if you're really into it, but don't invest more money into it than you can make.
And don't use it as a device to get laid or make money with spells.
Placing a "spell" on a girl doesn't actually make that girl want to fuck you. It's usually considered disturbing behavior by the majority of people, because it's weird and although it's fun to continue doing it because it'll give you attention, it's actually negative attention.
People apparently are more interested in weird shit than not. Which is strange to me because reality T.V. more or less bored the shit out of me (except for Wall Street Warriors; which is like my introduction to a one day interest in Wall Street. When I read enough about the market to actually understand it).

Since I'm a film student and a 23 year old man, I have more shit to be worrying about living in the greatest city in the world and paying bills than if there's an elf or a leprechaun in my amethyst crystal ball.
It was fun to glare into one thing for a period of time but didn't give me anymore power or ability than if I played a video game and stared into my "woo sppoky" liquid crystal display tv (which in my opinion is more magickal than all the crystals I purchased).
Sorry. Don't mean to make others sad. I guess I'm just not going to invest that much time into it. Maybe at 43. Maybe.
Probably not. But whatever. I should be making films and living my life. Lesson learned. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds will not write your screenplay. In fact, if you ever get broadcasted messages in your mind, stop and ponder the reality of it. It's not a girl dude. Watch Fando n' Liz. It's a perfect explanation.

um. the end.

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